Seven Years Ago......

a few of my collection....

I LOVE the Native American style flute.  There, I have said it and now you will find that I am totally addicted to flutes, the sound of flutes, flute circles, and anything else that involves the Native American flute.  I am a fan of musicians that play and go to concerts all over the country to hear them play their songs.  Many of these players have taught classes and given personal one on one tips, and become friends.  I can't say that I am talented or amazing, but I love to play my songs, the ones from my heart and that is all that is necessary to make me happy.  I am honored to have many friends around the country that play the flute and we are all a big family, one that understands the need for flutes in our life.



The flute and I are coming on an anniversary of sorts.  It has been SEVEN years since I tried to play my first flute.  (the number seven is special alone)  I went to my first flute circle in February of 2005, only to listen to others play flute music.  At that circle they "just happened" to have some flutes that were made and brought to another to use for teaching students elsewhere.  Having those flutes available that day, we were ask (told) to pick one and would be taught to play.  I hesitated, I have no previous musical ability, played no instruments, could not read music, lacked any ability to carry a tune, I am totally rhythm challenged and someone thinks I can play a flute!

Well after discovering I could cover the finger holes and the right warm sweet breath blown into the air chamber of the flute would produce a wonderful full sound coming from the humble wooden flute I was holding was the most magical moment of my life.  I couldn't believe I made that sound.........   I was hooked immediately, I am sure my eyes were wide in disbelief, only because as I have since taught others, I have seen that look on their faces.  It is a moment of truth when your breath and the flute join together, you have music at your fingertips.   I believe with all my heart, if I can play, anyone can play!!!! 

Massie Creek Flute Circle.... 

I came home from that flute circle and ordered my first flute from a friend.   I'd know him from doing same art show and he makes and plays Native American style flutes.  From there the song inside me began to sing.  I began to hear notes, I didn't know where they were coming from, just notes of music in the air, in my dreams and I felt they were my musical notes slowing revealing themselves to me.  Later I would hear a song.  I still hear it, as real as if the cd player was on, I find myself looking around for where it might be coming.  It is there, surrounding me, tumbling through the leaves,  a thread of wonder around me, weaving its sound into my heart and connecting it to nature, to love and peacefulness. 

Many of my flutes are very special, they each have their own story, their own history.  The wood ranges from traditional cedar, to maple, walnut, oak or bamboo.  Some are crooked branches that were picked from the ground, one is a leg bone from a deer, another an antler.  I have classic plain flutes and beautiful carved end flutes that look like my favorite birds.  I have flutes made from men and from women.  Each flute has a story and as I play them I add to the story of that flute. 

My Elk Flute, Key F, it's all about the heart.....

The spirit in which these flutes were made by their maker, carries a part of that maker to me and becomes a part of my spirit songs.  Anyone who honors me with a song on my flute also adds to the spirit of my flute.  And so the history and spirit of the flute grows as it is played and shared with the public world or with the trees.  The song tumbles out into the universe creating peace as it ripples forward, touching the grasses, the tree leaves, and the flowing stream of water.  Can you hear the song?  Can you feel the peace coming to your heart?  It's there, take a moment, close your eyes and just listen.

The Six Senses and Fairies

Only a few days ago I wrote of winter and spring, the great battle between cold and warm.  Well, yesterday and today spring is winning big time.  Your senses are filled with the wonder. 

Just a breath deep, the earth is coming alive, like a wonderful perfume the earth has a special scent in the spring.  I inhale deeply and savor the earthy scent.

Listen, the songs of the birds is more exciting. I hear joyful new songs of birds flocking back after being gone all winter.  Yesterday I heard the killdeer as I took my walk.   You know of course with each changing season the birds also change their songs.  Spring is all about courting, song and plumage change to attract their mates for the coming season. 

Look at the flowers pushing their way toward sunlight.  My daffodils are pushing through leaves of fall to become the highlight of my early spring garden.  I see Iris leaves pushing up, the colors of the ground plants are changing their dormant dark green to a newer brighter green. 

Touch the soft catkins of the pussy willows, they are just starting to reveal themselves.  I love bringing branches into the house so that spring comes inside.
Touch the ground, still cold, but no longer ice cold.  If it snows now the earth is warmer and it melts off more quickly.

The last sense, little known or acknowledged is the kinesthetic sense........  this is the unconscious sense of knowledge.  You just know something, I call this instinct.  People lived with it long before there were clocks or calendars.  I know spring is closer than normal this year.  I feel it.  Sure we may still get some winter days, but they are fewer and fewer as we move quickly through February. 

My gardens sparkle in the sunshine this morning.  I have wonderful little strings with mirrors and stain glass shards hanging from branches and hooks.  I have beautiful crystals hanging in unusual places, catching the light of the sun they change colors as they spin on their string with the slightest breeze.  I can see the fairies dancing with the sparkles of light, their magic is already working in the gardens.  They gather around the plants and cheer them on, the cover the seeds that the milkweed scattered in the fall so the Monarchs have a place to lay their eggs.  The Fairies linger in the sunshine with their bright gossamer wings, their magic is renewed and the gardens are happy, and so am I, it is spring today.......... 

The Battle Has Begun

Rabbits enjoy greens and sunshine!

Is it winter?  Is it spring?





                                                                         




Sap is moving throug the trees.

Last week I worked in the studio with the garage door open, sunlight streamed into my space, birds were singing and my little dogs lay in the sun.  I walked past a clump of snowbells that were blooming and I heard the honeybees singing as they moved from bloom to bloom.  I also noticed as I drove through a forest of old trees that the ground was beginning to show green.  All the little signs of spring around the corner.  The trees are also coming alive as the sap slowly moves from the ground upward toward the branches.

Snowbells and no snow (this day)

deer are easier to see when snow is on the ground....

Then it happened, as sunrise came it revealed the tell tale sign that winter had visited in the night.  We were reminded that it is only February.  Snow lay on the ground, covering those tender signs of spring sprouts.  At last after a very mild winter, we have some measurable snow.  It is pretty as sunlight creates sparkles on the landscape. The wind blows across the open fields, causing momentary white outs.  And as the wind picks up it shakes the all snow from the pines and the needles whistle a haunting song of winter.  The birds are eagerly at the feeder, their activity makes the trees alive with fluttering movement.  I do love watching the birds.  While most were hungry for seeds, a larger bird came calling.  A Coopers Hawk came to sit in the tree branches near our back door, hoping for his own special breakfast this day.  All the little birds sounded an alert and took cover and they waited until he left, still hungry.


hungry birds....

I linger a little longer with a cup of coffee and pull my afghan around me, my fuzzy socks peeking out and think I would like to hibernate just a little longer.  I'll wait to see who wins today, winter or spring...................

Who Do You Think You Are?

Who am I?

Who Do You Think You Are? is a TV program that captured my attention a year ago.  The new season starts this February 3rd.  Only a year ago I began watching famous people trace their roots back to discover who their ancestors were.  Touching stories, some good, some disappointing maybe.  They never failed to bring tears to my eyes, I am one of those people that cries at Hallmark Card commercials! 

This brought other feelings forward that I had shelved for a long time and never addressed.  My birth father was not a part of my life after he divorced my mother, my brother and me.  My mother chose not to talk about our father and I guess I respected her wishes by not asking questions, you learn quickly what topics are not to be discussed. 

Then with my birthday upon me last March, at the age of 62, I knew that finding my birth father was very important to me.  Thanks to the seed planted by Who Do You Think You Are?, sponsored by Ancestry.com.  I began to wonder about my Dad.  After a few shows the roots took hold and I knew with all my heart I had to find the lost connection to my father and his family.  

It is difficult to start a family tree when you have no clue the name of your paternal grandparents .   I had heard mentioned an aunts name from long past and started my Ancestry search there, the little tree leaves began to appear.  That was then I discovered all three of my aunts had passed away.  As I began to follow the family tree possibilities, a distant cousin discovered my activity and contacted me.  From her pushing, I started making some very difficult phone calls. 

I called my father, I had tried this a few years before and it was unrewarding.  Maybe it was the shock of hearing from me for the first time in more than 50 years.  I tried again in 2011, now my Dad is almost 80 years old.   My fears were overwhelming, he was not really very easy to talk with, I wonder if he had trouble hearing me.  The most wonderful gift he gave me was the name and number of my brother Mike.  I found my fears of calling a big barrier.  Lucky for me we were both on Facebook and I made my first attempt at contact with him there.  Well, by March 25, I spoke with my brother Mike for the first time ever and I will never be the same as I was before that call.  So many discoveries have followed that conversation, my heart is still bursting with joy because we connected.

Much of this story has been blogged by me the past year, I will spare you.  A year has passed since that little seed was planted.  Finding my ancestors, my three brothers, many cousins, nieces and nephews and their children has been the most amazing journey in my life.  Bringing with it tears of sadness and tears of joy.

A full circle of seasons have brought me back to the beginning of the journey.  I marvel at the timing of this discovery and I believe that there are no accidents in life.  I think if we listen to our heart and follow our instincts we will do things as they are to be done. 

I got to be with my Dad one weekend in July, a brief connection,  to have only just found him and having to leave again, our goodbye was a forever one, we lost him only days after I left.  I see him in my dreams and someday I will see him as he greets me on the other side.  My heart is broken still at all that was lost.  Faith helps me to believe that things were as they were suppose to be, even if my heart hurts often.

Possibilities surround us......

So I begin a new year on this journey with my new family.  We have kept in touch, had visits and hugs were shared, we are forever connected.  I am very lucky to have been accepted and loved with no reservations, I return the feelings a hundred fold.  I no longer wonder "Who do I think I am?"  Questions have been answered, dreams have come true and the future is open to all possibilities. 

Art is My Passion

Paint Pony, 2012

Art is a passion of mine, I find myself out of sorts if I have been away from the studio too long.  When I go to the studio, I can close everything else out, I totally am lost in creating.  My life is art.

I have been painting again, it seems I go through phases of painting.  I have found winter and spring to be the time I do most of my paintings and the gourd work happens throughout the summer and fall. 

I have talked with another artist friend recently, we talked about our paintings and our feelings about them.  We are both "untrained" in the traditional sense.  What comes from our work is unexpected and an expression of ourselves.  It has little to do with the classroom instruction, more from what is inside us.  It is the way we see things.  Many times our art is a total surprise to even us, we don't always start the background of a canvas with a plan.  I find that interesting.....  it is something else that begins to form, to develop and evolve.  It comes from no plan in my brain, it is as much a surprise to me as finding out I could paint. 

Native American Flute

Maybe I can explain this in another way.  Music is also my passion, an art.   I play the Native American Flute.  I have no musical training, can't read music, have trouble with rhythm, and certainly can't carry a tune.  And yet, when I found that very first note on the humble wooden flute, my heart began to sing.  I'd found a way to express music that had been bottled up inside me and I played and played. 

Of course as with my paintings, my music wasn't always great.  Never the less it became the outlet for my heart and my spirit, all a journey in following our passion.  I have taken a few lessons from accomplished artists and flute players.  They have given me tools to enhance my skills.  The best part, they haven't tried to change my art, they have allowed me to express myself, good or bad. 

The joy in all of this is when others buy my paintings and tell me they feel the spirit in which it was created.  Or they ask me to play my flute, knowing the song is new and for only that moment in time.  Both coming from my heart, from my spirit, a breathe in time........... my passion is Art.

Recovery January 10th, 2012

I am now five weeks out from bi-lateral knee replacement surgery.  I am happy it seems to be going so fast, goodness knows where December went.  I am going to therapy three times a week.  I don't like it and yet I know it is necessary.  I just want to be past all of this painful stretching and get on with my life!

I have found that the comfy lounge chair is not as comfortable as it was only a week ago.  I hate sitting...........   I want to do something!  My endurance is better, I find myself up longer at a time and I am walking with a cane.  Although my Physical Therapist took it away from me yesterday!  My balance is still a little bit of a challenge, it did show me that I don't need it all the time.  So I guess I am making progress.

I have managed to get in and out of the waterbed.  My greatest joy is sleeping in the waterbed again.  It ranks right up there with my first shower after surgery.  Sleeping in the waterbed was a bit of a challenge, four pillows for me, two for Richard and our little dog all in the waterbed with Richard and I was a problem.  So Richard has taken to sleeping in the double bed they moved to the living room for me.  We are both getting better sleep now. 

Wonderful Husband washing windows

This morning I decided I needed to make some daily goals, my need to accomplish something useful!  Now I am not sure this is something everyone would find necessary to do while recovering from two knee replacements.  I just had to get the windows washed outside!!!!   This was something I wanted to do before surgery and I ran out of time.  Today I gathered up my paper towels, the window cleaner and my window washer tool for the high windows.  I stumbled my way around the front of the house and began washing windows!  Richard was afraid to leave before I finished so I managed to get him to wash the windows with the most growth around them.  He wasn't happy, he doesn't do windows.  As with everything during my recovery at home, he did it for me and hardly complained at all.  He has gone above and beyond for me and I am so grateful.  He wins Husband of the Year!!!!

Now what my future goals for each day remain to be seen.  I will have to discover them as I move about the house.  I know the studio is on my list and I think a ride in the gator around the fields is calling me today.  It is rare to have such warmth and sunshine in January and I know I must get out to enjoy it!  This is all part of my recovery, it fills my spirit with joy and that is part of healing too. 

Blessings to all who have sent prayers and good wishes.  I am filled with gratitude.

Good To Be Home

I am sitting a little uncomfortably at the computer table, thinking I need to write some thoughts about having bi-lateral knee surgery.  My knees are flexed back as far as I can get them at this moment and I have to say it feels good and hurts at the same time.  Maybe a blog will be a good distraction. 

Grandpa Santa and Tatum, 2011

On December 5, 2011 I had both of my rickety, hard working knees replaced.  I lost several days following surgery, the use of heavy pain killers gave me a fuzzy memory (which is probably good) and as I began to come around I was then whisk off to the in-hospital rehab to learn to walk again.  Holy Cow, walking on new knees was rather a startling experience.  I am no longer bow legged and I even felt a little taller.  My legs were like lead!  I had to learn to use muscles that had been stretched beyond anything I care to imagine.  The skin from above, over and below my knees were being held together by staples.  These staples were removed on Dec. 21st.  Richard counted 40 in each knee.  I would like to say I was brave and it was nothing, but it took my breath away several times and tears came to my eyes. 

I can't say enough about the care and attention I received while in the hospital.  Everyone was kind and helpful and never left me hanging.  They would bring me heated blankets on request and were at my side with every attempt to get up and move to the bathroom or sit in a chair.  It didn't take long with Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy moving me along and all I could think about was getting home. 

When I got home I couldn't have been happier, truly the best medicine ever!!!!  Our house with our stuff and I could move about freely when ever I needed.  It seems I can't just be in any one place too long, I get too locked into a position and need to move.  Sometimes I feel like I start over with each transition. 

My children have been amazing, they picked up the slack while my wonderful husband accompanied a friend to Florida that needed help driving.  I am a lucky girl to have such an amazing support system.  This is something you can't do alone, no matter how independent you think you are. 

Now two days before Christmas, the tree is up and decorated because of my daughter.  My other daughter wrapped gifts and my son had to finish my shopping.  The kids and grand kids will be coming before noon on Christmas morning and they are bringing all the food.  It will be noisy and fun watching the grand children.  Their smiles are medicine to me too!

I am reminded that it isn't about the gifts, it is about all the love that surrounds us.  I have all I could ever want for Christmas, my awesome family, my very amazing friends and new knees!