Meandering Thoughts

Meandering Thoughts

Monday, January 30, 2012

Who Do You Think You Are?

Who am I?
Who Do You Think You Are? is a TV program that captured my attention a year ago.  The new season starts this February 3rd.  Only a year ago I began watching famous people trace their roots back to discover who their ancestors were.  Touching stories, some good, some disappointing maybe.  They never failed to bring tears to my eyes, I am one of those people that cries at Hallmark Card commercials! 

This brought other feelings forward that I had shelved for a long time and never addressed.  My birth father was not a part of my life after he divorced my mother, my brother and me.  My mother chose not to talk about our father and I guess I respected her wishes by not asking questions, you learn quickly what topics are not to be discussed. 

Then with my birthday upon me last March, at the age of 62, I knew that finding my birth father was very important to me.  Thanks to the seed planted by Who Do You Think You Are?, sponsored by  I began to wonder about my Dad.  After a few shows the roots took hold and I knew with all my heart I had to find the lost connection to my father and his family.  

It is difficult to start a family tree when you have no clue the name of your paternal grandparents .   I had heard mentioned an aunts name from long past and started my Ancestry search there, the little tree leaves began to appear.  That was then I discovered all three of my aunts had passed away.  As I began to follow the family tree possibilities, a distant cousin discovered my activity and contacted me.  From her pushing, I started making some very difficult phone calls. 

I called my father, I had tried this a few years before and it was unrewarding.  Maybe it was the shock of hearing from me for the first time in more than 50 years.  I tried again in 2011, now my Dad is almost 80 years old.   My fears were overwhelming, he was not really very easy to talk with, I wonder if he had trouble hearing me.  The most wonderful gift he gave me was the name and number of my brother Mike.  I found my fears of calling a big barrier.  Lucky for me we were both on Facebook and I made my first attempt at contact with him there.  Well, by March 25, I spoke with my brother Mike for the first time ever and I will never be the same as I was before that call.  So many discoveries have followed that conversation, my heart is still bursting with joy because we connected.

Much of this story has been blogged by me the past year, I will spare you.  A year has passed since that little seed was planted.  Finding my ancestors, my three brothers, many cousins, nieces and nephews and their children has been the most amazing journey in my life.  Bringing with it tears of sadness and tears of joy.

A full circle of seasons have brought me back to the beginning of the journey.  I marvel at the timing of this discovery and I believe that there are no accidents in life.  I think if we listen to our heart and follow our instincts we will do things as they are to be done. 

I got to be with my Dad one weekend in July, a brief connection,  to have only just found him and having to leave again, our goodbye was a forever one, we lost him only days after I left.  I see him in my dreams and someday I will see him as he greets me on the other side.  My heart is broken still at all that was lost.  Faith helps me to believe that things were as they were suppose to be, even if my heart hurts often.

Possibilities surround us......
So I begin a new year on this journey with my new family.  We have kept in touch, had visits and hugs were shared, we are forever connected.  I am very lucky to have been accepted and loved with no reservations, I return the feelings a hundred fold.  I no longer wonder "Who do I think I am?"  Questions have been answered, dreams have come true and the future is open to all possibilities. 

1 comment:

  1. I think your brother needed the connection too, a sister he has never had. His kind heart needed an older sister to talk to. Now a year has gone by and you tell us your birthday wish is to return for the 3rd time to TX. We all rejoiced this morning on hearing the news<3 Mike and I can't wait until we can once again visit Ohio in June!
    God is good=)