Meandering Thoughts

Meandering Thoughts

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Complete Quiet

Just a few days ago I wrote about having ten days of no schedules, no cooking and complete quiet.  Well things never work out as I think they should.  I have been pretty good with the no schedules, only a few things here and there that were easily managed.  No cooking is not as easy, you have to eat. 

The complete quiet is not exactly going down as I thought it should.  Again, I was not perfectly clear when I manifested the thought of "complete quiet".  I have found you have to be very clear, when you think you want a particular thing to happen.  Having my wonderful husband gone for almost two weeks has given me one side of quiet.  No need to explain why I parked my car in a different place in the barn yard, or where I hid the butter in the refrigerator, Nice quiet.

I didn't bargain for not being able to talk for the last four or five days!  No kidding, I have acquired the worst cold I've had in years.  My throat hurt, coughing started, runny nose today and I don't believe I have never sneezed so often!  The worst part, I lost my voice!  I can only croak out words and sometimes it is painful enough I don't even care to talk.  Really, this is not what I had in mind for complete quiet!  

I struggle to answer the phone, people think I just woke up and it is six in the evening.  My brother is home from Seattle, stopped by to visit and I can't talk!  He didn't stay long, not sure if it had to do with my company or my germs.  I am suppose celebrate his visit with family tonight, I really don't know if anyone wants me to come.  They don't care for my new friends, Coughing and Sneezy.  Someone suggested I wear a mask to protect the innocent. 

So the last four days have been totally unproductive, I can only work in the studio in little blocks of time, then I find a place and try to nap, sleep at night is broken and restless.   My ribcage hurts from coughing and I can't breath well.  I'm living on tea and honey and have had suggestions to raid the top shelf for something stronger.  I carry my cell phone and a box of tissues everywhere I go.

I'd really love to call my friends and chat on the phone, to override my boredom, but I can't.  I guess I got my wish for complete quiet!  The moral of this story, "Be careful what you wish for!".

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Making The Most of My Time

I am trying hard to do some important work now that I am home and focused.   My wonderful husband is out of town and I can do anything I want, no schedules, no major cooking and complete quiet.  Well, this sounds good, I'm having trouble with the complete quiet.........  if you haven't guessed, I'm a people person.  I miss my husband, I often think, oh, I should be starting supper, or OMG, today is trash day, or I get up in the morning and have to make my own coffee....    And who am I going to tell about washing the horses to cool them off and who cares if I scheduled someone to come clean the carpet and who wants to hear me complain about how hot it is? 

Each of my children call me, to see if I need help with something.  It is a very thoughtful thing for them to do, watching out for me while Richard is away.  Emily came to help me wash the horses, it became a party, Ryan and grand daughters, Cait and Lizzy also came to help.  There were a few, "oops, sorry, I didn't really mean to spray you!"  giggle, giggle moments.  The horses thought they had died and gone to heaven.  Standing around all day they stomp the flys off, they sweat and they itch.   A cool bath was such a pleasure to them.  We also washed Jessie, our Lab.  She needed a bath more for the cleaning, the cooling part was the bonus for her. 

I really should be in the studio today, I have this wonderful idea!   I've mentioned that I am making Art Journals.   Books with pages of original art, created by paint, stamps, markers, photos and whatever.  And
also some words of wisdom or journaling an event.  What fun they are, I love them and they are such a new creative process for me, art with a loose structure, allowing something to happen and flowing with it.  Details are not necessary and no two pages are alike.  So it offers amazing freedom.

Being the business minded person that I am, I have decided to make little 5x7 or 8x10 pieces of art, just little original art pieces, based on the Art Journals.    I have the hardest time allowing myself to just play, it seems I am compelled to call my playtime work!  If it is truly "work" then there must be a way to market it.    I was brought up to be busy at something constructive, many people would look at my art journal as play, it is all about me and for me.  So maybe not work, more like wasting time, at least to them.  It is much the same when my wonderful husband walks in the door and I'm at the computer, I call it time to work, he see's it as wasting time.  All in the eyes of the beholder......  

At this time in my life, I cannot waste time, there is so much I want to do, so many things yet to experience.
So it is, I am going to continue with the Art Journals, for myself.  I will just expand my creative process into a little original artwork that can be framed and sold.  Woohoo, heading to the studio for some serious creating while I have no schedules, no cooking and complete quiet!!!!!!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Living My Dreams

I am finally returning to normal, well I prefer to think of  it as normal.  Most think I'm not exactly normal, but that is okay, I'm pretty happy in this state of "normal". 

I had lunch with friends yesterday, while working at Village Artisans, the co-op that I belong to.  I might explain that this co-op of artists share space called, Village Artisans, is located in Yellow Springs, Ohio.  We have 20 members, all artists with wonderfully creative mediums from pottery to photographs, from silk scarves to gourds and so on.   We work twice a month in the shop as the shop keeper.  It is always fun to see something new an artist is doing and talking to people that come into the shop.  Okay, back to lunch with my friends..........

We were talking about dreams.  Many people say they don't dream, I believe they just don't remember their dreams.  I make a real effort to remember my dreams and it helps to write them down or share them as quickly as possible.  Even then they seem to fade into the far away places in my head and are maybe forgotten.  I love reading about a dream that was recorded, some of the details may have faded and it is fun to be reminded. 

So I have had a couple dreams that I want to share, it might tell something about my state of normal.  Last week my friend and I were at the INAFA convention.  By the afternoon of the third day we were on sensory overload.  My friend wanted to walk to a shop downtown and I could only think of taking a nap.
My nap was one and a half hours and I woke refreshed.  I met my friend and we went to dinner and then on to the evening concerts.  The concerts lasted until 10:30 pm and then there was time spent buying the Cd's and having them signed and conversations with the musician, pictures maybe and all the other important conversations with friends that happened.  We didn't get back until midnight each night and went immediately to bed, knowing that 7:00 am alarm would come quickly. 

I remember thinking that night, "Oh, I forgot to ask my friend what she bought at the jewelery store that afternoon, because she had told me that it was a cool place, I'd have to go before we left town."  The next day I remembered to ask about the jewelery store.  She says to me, "Oh, I didn't go."  I said, "Yes you did, you told me you purchased something!"  We continued to go back and forth, she claiming she didn't go because her purse was in the car and I'd driven it back to the motel.  I claiming that she was so excited about going to the shop and purchasing a piece of jewelry.  And that she said I would have to go too!
This went on a bit, neither budging with their side of the story.  It was only then I realized I must have dreamed the entire thing...........It was so REAL to me.   So now I am wondering if I am living in my dreams or dreaming real life, they seem to be too close together and I don't know what is real any longer.

I had another very powerful dream while at this event.  It was probably inspired by the energy of healing sound by the didgeridoo that was gifted to me by Rafael Bejarano.  I remember during this experience a vastness filled with the most incredible emerald colors in blues and greens and aquas.  Lots of space, like floating.......... maybe water floating.   I don't know, but the sound of the didgeridoo was surrounding me as well, and currents moved through my body.  It was great!  I couldn't begin to get up after the experience and felt the buzz long afterwards.  Even an hour later, I found myself to be dizzy and very relaxed.  It was awesome.

I had purchased Rafael's Cd and when we got back to the motel that night, I put it on as we turned off the lights and slowly drifted off to sleep.  I was again shown the colors of the emerald waters and there were whales and dolphins in this ocean of blue colors, the sun was shining.  The whales and dolphins were leaving and we were trying to call them back.  I remember we were using this long horn (it didn't sound like the didgeridoo) the song it played was the sounds of the dolphins and whales crying. 

Then next day I went to speak with Rafael, he looked at me with a smile and said, "you know I've been swimming with the dolphins.....".

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Coffee isn't helping, I can't seem to get started on anything.  I think I'm still recovering from the International Native American Flute Association convention. I think this must be what a "hangover" must be like, without any pain.  Just the feeling of being disconnected, fuzzy, out of focus in this other world.  I seem to only want to play flutes, I want to talk to my flute friends and see how they are recovering.  It seems I'm not alone in my need to stay connected to the convention.  I have read accounts on Facebook of the inability to get focused.  It helped yesterday to mow the yard, grounded me a little, I thought I might be making the transformation back, until this morning.

I slept in today, the dogs didn't seem to mind that I'm being so lazy, they are so happy I'm back home again.  While thinking about getting up, I realize that I still have a particular song running over and over in my mind.  It's as if the song is imprinted somewhere in my brain.  The song is Hallelujah from the new Randy Granger CD,  Pura Vida.  This song just keeps "looping" through my mind, I don't know why..... I do love the song, the entire CD is wonderful, it's just this song I keep hearing.  Again, I am back at the convention, listening to Randy perform, his voice is so beautiful.  I guess I should be happy he is singing to me still, I will stop worrying about why this is happening and consider it a blessing!

Last night my grand daughters came to visit.  I showed them my new MOYO drum, ohhh, did we have fun playing around with that sweet little drum!  I knew they would love it!  Then I took out my flute to accompany the little drum in the key of D, what sweet music we made.   Then their mother took them home and I have no one to play with again............. 

I need to snap out of this!  My phone rings, it is one of my flute family tribe calling.   She reminds me that the Sunwatch Flute Gathering in Dayton, Ohio is only a month away!  Woohoo!  We'll all be together again!  I can't wait to see my dear friends again!  Going for more coffee!  Leaving the flutes for awhile and going to the studio!  Maybe I should do an ART JOURNAL page about the INAFA convention.   I can put on some new Cd's and let my mind wander, burn some sage and be grateful for another day to celebrate living this very moment!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The In Between Time

I have returned to my world on Tarbox-Cemetery Road, physically anyway.  One week ago I left this place I call home, traveling to Eau Claire, Wisconsin.  I have never been there, the drive was ten hours and I took my good friend and a gentleman I have come to know from Native American Flute Circles.  We came to participate in the International Native Flute Association's Convention.

The days were packed with workshops and concerts.  We were immersed in the world of Native American flutes.  Vendors, performers, teachers, old friends and many, many new friends.  If it is possible we absorbed it all through all of our senses. 

We saw amazing flutes and drums.  We watched stage performers we'd only heard about.  I read programs that told the credentials and bios of performers.  Our eyes were filled with the most wondrous things, handmade instruments from flutes and whistles to didgeridoos.  Drums and udus in all shapes and colors.  I was drawn to the drums within the first five minutes from walking in the door.  The makers of the drums were still setting up their table.  I couldn't resist the drum made from a little propane tank, with the tuning to the key of D.  Sounds like beautifully tuned wind chimes.  Oh, I know this drum will be the favorite of my grandchildren!  Funny, each of the four Massie Creek Flute Circle brought one home!  And two of my other friends bought one too!

Our ears were filled with flute music everywhere.  The vendor area always had flutes being played.  Everyone testing this flute or that flute, many had to find a quiet place outside the hall just to hear themselves play the flute of interest.  I resisted flutes for a long time, but felt myself drawn to a couple in particular, one I played off and on all weekend.  It's tuning was unlike the classic 6 hole pentatonic, it has seven holes and has the sound of a gypsy flute.  I could easily imagine the gypsy wagons, the colorful skirts and scarves and all the while flute music was being played around an evening campfire.  It has a soulful sadness or a happy dancing song.  As yet the song it lets me play is the sad mournful song.  I've heard the maker play a dance or two on it and know it is possible, fingering for me is still slow and less nimble.  Now that the flute has joined my collection, I know I will also find the joyful dance it has to offer.  The other flute is also unlike my other flutes, it is a warbler flute.  This flute is made from PVC with a wooden mouth piece.  I do have a warbler flute made of wood, it is a special flute that I don't always travel with, because of it's story and history.  This new flute can go anywhere with ease.  I am also attracted to a clay flute, although, the one I am interested in did not come to the event.  This flute is unique in color due to it's firing and I am awaiting pictures.  After talking with the maker, I know it is one I have been waiting on for some time.  I had contacted him over a year ago about this particular color.  After playing his wonderful flutes, I'm sure I'll  love the one he didn't bring to the event. 

The workshops were a wonderful treat.  Performers presented instructions about different topics regarding improvisation, the art of performance, therapeutic music, ceremony, history, breathing and even a flute making workshop.  Talk about sensory overload!  So much to share, so much to learn..... it was amazing!

Then there were the concerts.........  every afternoon we heard three entertainers perform their music.  Each evening there were at least four different performance's, sometimes with several musicians sharing the stage together improvising as they went along.  Music filled the air, stories were told and heritage was shared.  Giving all the people there a way to connect even more to the Native American Flute and the struggles of the people who kept the flute alive so that we might enjoy it today.  The gifts of these men and women performing were outstanding, I'll remember their stories and their faces with my photos and the many Cd's I purchased. 

It has been difficult to come back to reality after such an event.  There were so many people there that I have come to know.  They have strong, warm hugs to share.  They have become a part of a tribe... my friends..... my family.  I have come to know many of  them from other events such as this, but they are also Facebook friends that now have a voice I recognize.  We all share a common interest that connects us to the love of music, flutes and drums.  It is hard to leave at the end of such an event, even though we are emotionally drained and exhausted. 

What is AMAZING to me about this flute journey.....  I have only been involved with the Native American Flute for four and a half years.  Yet it seems so familiar and somewhat natural.  I try to think back to the time before flutes, it seems long ago.   How does that happen?  My perception of time is lost, it feels like forever ago that I got the first note from the humble wooden flute.  It is much like my art on gourds, was there a time before gourds and art?  To be totally immersed in something is truly a blessing. 

And now, here I am, coping with the In Between Time.  It is much like the time between dream and waking, the time just before the sun rises or the moment before the sun sets.  It is a time to pause, where you hold your breath, wanting to keep the moment close a while longer and yet there is no way to hold it forever, waking up happens, the sun rises and the sun sets.   For me the convention is now over, I am recovering the only way I know how, a nap helps and my cell phone.  I have already called several of my tribe, to be sure they arrived home safely.  The computer has been the other salvation for me, looking at photos, sharing comments, it seems we are all holding on just a little longer, just a little longer................

Photo:  Massie Creek Flute Circle members: Serena and Dave, Linda, me and the other Dave.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I Did It, I Did My First Art Journal Page

Okay, I managed to get the laundry done, I finished two unfinished gourds and also packed up the gourds in my big green bags.  I also managed to make my first Art Journal Page!  Of course my wonderful husband had to fix his own supper!   But I got my first Art Journal Page done!   WooHoo! 

I have to say that it is the coolest thing to just keep adding layers to the pages, if you aren't satisfied, paint or cover with another paper.  Journal something and I also dated and sign it too.  (A tip from one of my Facebook friends!)  I love that you can use any medium, stamps, paint, markers, fabric, chalk, wonderful papers, magazines, and even spray paint!  I have it all, I didn't have to buy anything to work on this project. 

The most difficult part was allowing myself to be free and loose with my work.  My favorite tool today was the hair dryer, it kept me moving......... I really should have been fixing supper, I just couldn't be gone for the next four days and not try Art Journaling!  I had too much fun and am already thinking about the next possibility, although it's probably better if you don't plan your page, just let it come.  

Okay, I feel creatively satisfied today, sort of like after the big Thanksgiving dinner, you've tasted all your favorite foods and you couldn't want for anything more.  I think I have a new obsessive art project!

Oh No, Not Again!

I am sharing with you the root, the beginning, the instant a new creative moment starts to take hold of me!  Oh, it will not be easy to explain how this happens, but I am going to try.  Some of you already know exactly the feeling, the moment, the very instant that seed begins to sprout!  It stirs something inside you that cannot be denied!

This morning I am casually reading other blogs I follow.   This one is called 30 journals 30 days.  I have never been really interested in making art journels, mainly because I keep a daily journal and now a blog, why do I need to do an art journal?  Maybe I don't, you know what is really pulling me in, it is doing a small art projects that combines so many mediums into a little book!  I have read several blogs by different artists doing art journels and there are even You Tubes of them actually doing the work.  I am one of those people that LOVES to be shown how to do something.   A hands on kind of girl!  It has totally effected my ability to think clearly!

Well, while watching one of the You Tubes this morning I felt the stirring of excitement in my stomach, pretty shortly my mind started racing, my hands started vibrating.  I wanted to stop everything and go out to the studio!  I think of all my little scraps of paper, I think of all my little single thoughts about this or that, I think of paint colors, my clean brushes, and I wonder if I have a book that could become an art journal.  I can hardly sit and write this because of the excitement I am feeling. 

I cannot let myself be pulled into another obsession today!   I MUST finish laundry, I MUST pack the van and I MUST focus on the wonderful art show I'm going to this weekend!  Lilyfest has to be my top priority!

Maybe if I hurry, I can get one page done before I leave for Lilyfest tomorrow afternoon...........   Oh dear, I am loosing control, I just can't wait to try an art journel!  I'll keep you posted on how my day evolves!

See for yourself!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

This Beautiful Day

I love when I've been asleep and am slowly coming back from my dream world, my mind drifts between reality and somewhere else.  I had such a pleasant experience today, I hope to capture the essence of it to share with you.

I will start with the day itself.  At nine thirty this morning Massie Creek Flute Circle met on the studio porch.  There were eight of us this beautiful morning, all bringing many flutes to play.  We played our flutes to the sounds of nature that surrounded us, the hummingbirds at the feeder, the wren feeding her noisy brood in the gourd house, as well as to a backtrack Cd with piano and guitar music to give our songs even more soul and heart.  The breeze was heavenly, the sky was clear and blue.  We have had several days of perfect weather this week, not typical for the third day of July.  We were all grateful for this beautiful morning.
Our flute circle is rather informal and very relaxed.  Today a member played his version of "God Bless America", in honor of the Fourth of July.  We then all played a song that we have been able to memorize, each taking a turn.  If we hadn't memorized one, we played what the Creator gave us for that moment.  It was a wonderful sharing of songs.

After a few hours on the porch playing flutes, it was time to take our drums, rattles and a flute to the tipi lodge.  I thought it would be nice to have a little fire, even though by this time it was noon, and the sun was much warmer.  The wood really didn't want to make a fire, maybe we should have made note of this and given up the idea.  Did I mention that the sun was baring down on this tipi sitting in the open horse pasture?  Okay, maybe the fire wasn't such a good idea, with much coaching it did start.   I had to roll up the west wall of the tipi and a wonderful breeze helped push the heat up to the open top of the lodge and again it was more comfortable.  Time goes by quickly when you are in the moment.  We played our drums and flutes and told stories for a couple of hours before finding our way back to the house.  It was a wonderful day sharing of music and friendships.

Sorry to be meandering so much, I needed to lay the ground work for the nap I took inside the tipi this afternoon.  When I returned to my lodge about four thirty, the coals of the fire were still smoldering.  I lay near the raised wall of the tipi, to enjoy the breeze coming across the field from the west.  No covers were needed as I fell into a very deep sleep.  

I don't know how long I slept, as I began to awake, with my eyes still closed I listened to the sounds around me.  I hear birds, a crow far off, songbirds nearby, I can even hear the insects.  I wonder where the red-tailed hawk is that I saw near the tipi last night.  Then it happens, I feel the cool breeze come into the the lodge, I open my eyes ever so slightly.  The sun is lower in the sky now, I squint as I look into the sun under the tipi edge, the tall grasses are blowing, the sun from behind gives them a glow.  I close my eyes and am transported to another place... another time....  Am  I dreaming or am I remembering something that is stored in my soul, a memory from my ancestors, a past life perhaps?  I feel the heat of the wind blown prairie, the time when there were tipi lodges everywhere, a village of many.  I keep my eyes closed, I smell the campfire still, one of the most wonderful aromas in the world.  I hear horses grazing nearby, are they mine or are they in this foggy place from the past?  I hear the flute, singing a long mournful song, it too is being played in a far off place in my memory.  I am in a good place, now I really don't want to wake up.  I want to feel this ancient place with my eyes closed, I want to remember that time of long ago, when things were simple and slower.  I want to be there for as long as I can, I don't want to wake up, I love this place I've found, even if it is only in a dream.