Meandering Thoughts

Meandering Thoughts

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Another Discovery.......

My home when I was small.....

Seems like my life lately has been filled with discovery.  I have been trying to connect to a family tree that has been hidden from me my entire life.  I have been successful at making contacts and suddenly I have a "new" family. 

Names that were written along side a photo when I was very small are now revealed to me as grandparents, aunts and cousins.  I have taken a more serious look at each photo to see what other clues they might hold.  Things that are captured in photos before I was old enough to remember.  This has been fun and sadly there are not tons of photos, I'm sure pictures were not as freely taken in those days, nothing like the digital age we live in today.

The digital camera has been very helpful to me in this discovery.  A visit to cemetery's where family members now rest and pictures of headstones were taken this week.  My travel brought me to a road I don't drive much anymore.  It was a road I have been down throughout my youth and adult life.  For some reason, I have always been drawn to a particular house on this road.  I always slow down and look and wonder about this house.  I don't know why I've always been drawn to this old farmhouse in the country.  I decided on the way home that day to take a picture of this old two story farmhouse.   

The two story house is rather run down now, although the front porch is still there in it's original state.  I noticed an old cement urn in the yard, it looks strange sitting out there, I was curious why it would be sitting there.  I didn't take a picture of it, but will go back now that I know.........  It is one of the original urns that sat at either sided of the steps in the old photo.

Old Clifton Road 2011.....
I was looking through my baby photo album and there it was, the picture of the same house!  Oh My Gosh!  I could I not have remembered that this was a home I lived in with my parents, I was only one.  Why was it never shared?  Is this why I have always felt connected to this house?  Was it because of the picture in the album that I remembered this house or was it something way, way back in my toddler memory.  I think the latter, our photo albums were not something that we spent time exploring as children, they were kept away and safe.  I was given the album after I was married, some 40 years ago.  I didn't take time to explore pictures of my past.  And so here I am, uncovering some most interesting hidden facts about my "lost" family and history.

I think it's pretty cool this house still stands and the connection is made after all these years.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

A Search Brings Miracles

One of my favorite quotes by Albert Einstein;  There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle.

I prefer to live as though everything is a miracle, I am finding the truth in this quote!

Me and Brian '52....

 A few weeks ago I began a search of my ancestors.  The search has taken many twists and turns, dead ends, u-turns and it has been filled with an abundance of names and dates.  My head was swimming with every name and sometimes overwhelming me.  Of course many of my discoveries are unverified and that will take so much more time.  I don't know if this will become my biggest obsession, goodness knows I hardly have time for the ones I have already! 

 Without going into details just now, I will say my most wonderful discoveries have not been with long gone ancestors, it comes with the living.   I have discovered cousins that I didn't know existed, I have found three brothers I've have never before known.  I have family that has been hidden from me for unknown reasons.  I am amazed by the discoveries and most certainly delighted.

Me and Brian '56.....
In a matter of a couple of weeks I have talked to cousins that I have lived all my life within 15 miles of.  Our paths may have crossed many times and we never had a clue.  I have had phone conversations with them and they were as shocked by the knowledge as I have been.  I am happy to report all the conversations have been warmly received.
The most exciting discovery was finding my other brothers.  I have been blessed to connect with one brother and his lovely wife.  It has been like Christmas, opening up presents that have reveled the most wonderful gifts, my heart is so happy.  The first phone call was more than I could have ever dreamed.  It is a miracle at this time in my life, I suddenly have a much bigger family than I could have every expected. 

Why my parents held on to their secrets is unknown to me.  Things that happened long ago may forever remain a mystery.  Some of those mystery's will be acknowledged to us, questions may be answered and reunions will come.   It is all unfolding with new found friendships and family.  My search has brought miracles to my life, it is not so much about the past, it's about the future too.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Post Birthday Thoughts

I totally believe that celebrating one's birthday is the only way to go!  I haven't always thought making my birthday a celebration that lasts for days or maybe even weeks before and after the actual date.  The older I've gotten the more I have reason to celebrate and you can't do that in ONE day!

This year I believe I purchased a couple of new flutes about a month before March 19th.  I didn't intentionally look for flutes, they appear and I did think about them, do I really need another flute?  Many days go by and I find myself wondering if they are still available.  I believe if they are still there after considerable time thinking about the need for another flute of this style or key and it is still accessible, then maybe it is suppose to be mine.  This also saves my wonderful husband some stress of having to think of a gift I would appreciate as much as a new flute.  So needless to say, this year I have new flutes in my collection.  They are as awesome as I thought they would be!

My birthday always brings thoughts of spring.  A time of blooming, new growth, rebirth, rain (cleansing), sunshine, snowflakes, spring equinox, clocks that spring forward and less layers of clothing.  I am ready to be outside more, inhaling the fresh spring air.  I love the smell of the earth and the spring rains! 

This year, two days before my birthday, a fellow Pisces friend, brought cupcakes to Village Artisans, where we both have our art, we "partied" for a couple of hours together.  What fun!  The day of my birthday, a friend and I joined other friends and we spent the day working on our loom beading, sharing stories and laughing until our sides hurt.  It was a great day to share with sister friends.

The day after my birthday was Spring Equinox, my wonderful husband and our awesome children and amazing grandchildren came together to help clean the yard.  We still had many branches on the ground from the February first ice storm.  They worked for hours getting the yard ready for spring!  The very next day I found the first blooming daffodil!  We all had a great lunch together and a good visit and my favorite carrot cake for dessert.  I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such a wonderful family!

The evening of Spring Equinox was spent drumming with friends.  Some people look at me strangely when I talk about drumming, until you have done it, don't knock it.  It is difficult to tell you what happens to your mental state when you drum.  Oh, you are thinking I'm a little "out there", a description of altering your state of physical and mental feelings, I promise it is true.  You can feel energy moving, vibrations throughout your body are pulsing.  The drum puts you in a tranquil state, everyone is in that state together and you surrender to the moment.  You are unaware of anything outside the circle of drummers, you have forgotten the things that weight you down.   Some dance to the rhythm, some sing in low guttural sounds that blend with the drum.  Sometimes there are tuning bowls, bells and rattles.  Sometimes people can only sit and soak up the vibrations of the drumming energy.  It is very amazing........ 

It was an awesome birthday again this year.  It will take me a few days to recover from all this celebrating.  I look forward to my next Birthday in the spring of 2012.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Spring Is At Tractor Supply!

Yesterday I was out and about locally, went to art class and stopped at the local TSC to pick up food for the critters.  I was in the dog food isle when my ears picked up this tiny sound and I knew spring was really here.  The every so sweet sound of peeping was heard and I abandon my cart with it's critter food and even my purse to go see the baby chicks.

Last year's tulips
Oh, I love the the baby chicks!  I couldn't resist picking them up and holding their soft little downy bodies.  I inhaled their new baby smell too.  Oh, my childhood came rushing back.........   We used to get baby chicks every spring.  I loved hearing them peep, I love to watch them learn to scratch the ground corncob covered floor of the giant cardboard box, I loved watch them eat, drink and sleep in a warm soft pile.  I loved watching them challenge one another to little chest bumping fights.  And then within days their little feather began to grow from their fluffy little bodies, wings first and then some tail feathers.  When they started growing feathers on their bodies it was time for them to go to the chicken house and the babies became teenagers, scraggly and funny looking.  My other favorite memory was of them learning to crow.  It was such a hoot hearing those first attempts.

I talked to my wonderful husband, again, about having chickens.  Having fresh eggs each morning did not tempt him very much.  He knew down the road, he'd be dealing with the frozen water on cold winter mornings.  He'd be the one cleaning the chicken house and chasing them out of the big barn where they might decide to roost on a tractor.   My big job would be naming them and gathering the eggs.   I guess we won't be getting chickens this year........

Monday, March 14, 2011

Changing Times and Time Changing......

Looking forward to these blooming......
I'm pretty sure spring is coming, because of the "clock springing forward" event, I really dislike changing time.  My clock in the living room is right again after five months of being "wrong".  I aways thought I was pretty flexible about things, this time change shows me I'm not.  I always deplored it when my kids were younger, getting them up earlier, sending them off to school.  Do children and teachers in school yearn for an afternoon nap like I do? 

The animals don't understand either.  My sleepy eyed dogs look at me when I try getting up an hour earlier after the time change.  An extra cup of coffee is needed this morning, I'm not ready to start the day.  I seem to linger longer over breakfast and morning bird watching.  Getting back my hour before moving into the day.  This will go on for awhile, gradually my mind and body make the change.

I look at this time changing thing as just another year of changing times for me and I don't really like it.  My birthday is rolling around, all too quickly it seems.  I celebrate and rejoice that I am still having birthdays and yet, I am another year older and changes keep coming.  My hair is not as dark as I think it is, sometimes I am surprised when I look in the mirror.  When I wash my hair it is really dark, when I finish fussing with it I see how grey it is!  You may remember back in August I got this bright idea to let my hair grow.  Well, it is still growing, the grey seems more obvious than ever.  Is this an illusion, I know it would have been just as grey short.

Changing times, seems to include my ability to get anything done quickly.   Am I really moving slower or is the world moving faster?  I still haven't gotten the yard cleaned up from the February first ice storm.  I have finally ask the kids to come help, it's what I want for my Birthday this year.  Everything takes longer to get done anymore.  I really don't like that!

Changing times includes losses.  The losses that hurt the heart, friends, family and critters who have made their journey to the spirit world.  I don't like this the most, it is hard to say goodbye.  Not only to those who left, but to those memories that were still a part of me because of them.  I know I still have the memories, I just don't have them to remind me of those moments we shared.  They all are greatly missed. 

Changing times brings with it the good things too.  I love being able to plan my day around the things I love doing the most, having the kids and grand kids for a visit,  working in the studio on gourds, paintings or any other whim that comes to me.  I can join friends to drum and play flutes without too many conflicts.  I can enjoy the gathered knowledge of my youth and celebrate it as wisdom now. 

Changing time has brought new discoveries into my life, nothing you can see physically, they are the things that happen inside.  A calmness has come to me in recent years.  My spirit is happy with the ability to live in the moment.  Letting go of the things that hurt so much no longer seem important.  I accept that we are all on our own journey and we are the makers of our journey.

I look forward to spring, a rebirth of all things, I look and see flowers coming up, hear the joyous songs of the birds, watch for new baby calves, lambs and foals in the farm pastures.  I know the sun is warmer and the winter wheat is green.  I know my birthday means another year of growing and learning. 

Yes, I celebrate another spring of time changing and another birthday with changing times.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Honoring My Horse

My horse Bones....

I begin this with a broken heart.  I lost my best horse friend on Friday, March fourth.  It hurts to write about him being gone, he has been such a big part of my life for so long.  He would have been thirty on March 20th, the day after my birthday.  He came from California to our farm when he was eight.  His owner kept him at our little farm so we could all train and condition together.  You see, my best horse friend, was an endurance and competitive trail horse.  He had a fancy Arabian name but he was know as Bones to most everyone.  He became my once in a lifetime horse by accident.  His owner took a spill while riding Bones and broke his collarbone.  He never truly trusted Bones after that and slowly but surely Bones and I connected.  Oh, it was not an easy start, Bones had his fear issues.  You know that horses run from what they fear. So yes, I spent a lot of time trying to find his brakes.  Once I began to trust, he began to trust and our friendship grew.

Knipper and Bones 2010

Feasty, Bones, Knipper
We had some of the most amazing journeys, we rode trails in Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky, California, and Nevada.  He loved to run and jump, it was awesome to fly down a trail and fly over logs or mud puddles.   Oh, we had our moments, he could toss me off quicker that it took me to tell you "we had our moments".  I could never hold him back as he raced up a mountain side, clear the way, he was coming up with or without me.  I decided it was easier to get up on his back than off! 

Summer play
Bones always liked to be the leader, my friends would laugh at that statement and say it wasn't the horse but me who liked to lead.  Well, maybe they are right, I guess I'll say we both were determined to be the leader.  Bones didn't follow well, he really did like setting the pace for everyone behind him. 

Bones at Soldiers Meadows, Nevada
At home, in the pasture, he was always kind to the other animals.  He never seemed to worry about the dogs or cats underfoot.  He liked the geese we had too.  He was always respectful of the small children that came to see him, he tolerated them brushing him and trying to clean his feet.  He gave numerous rides bareback to my grandchildren.  We all will miss seeing him in our horse pasture. 

Nevada endurance ride
We have one horse left on our farm.  Knipper calls every time I walk out the door.  He misses his best friend very much.  My heart hurts for him.  I must go and bury my head in his mane and we can talk about our best horse friend together.  

Best buddies
I believe that my good horse friend is enjoying spring pastures in a better place.   No more pain and among friends that left before him.  I honor our time together, me and my best horse friend Bones.